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Creative Writing

I’m kinda tired of big girls deluding themselves that they are pretty inside and that’s all it matters.

Your personality is important, that is a given.

But this delusion doesn’t last – you know that.

And do you know what is beautiful?

When a big girl works herself out in a gym, in the park, by the seaside, at the beach, going that extra mile.

Not just sitting around doing tediously paced cardio, but actually pushing herself to the limits, burning up with desire.

Then looks at herself in the mirror as the days, the weeks and the months go by, like a rose fanning its red petals with pride at the wake of seasons.

She smiles, looks back for a moment or two and keeps going.

Now that is beautiful.

The moment I take a sip off this heavy mug, am I to believe that the liquid I am about to imbibe is real? A genuine article that exists independently to my sensations and on its own exists as to how I am, as I thought to be? And what of my sensations that I make of the taste, the touch or the smell of it?

What exactly then, make my beliefs so justifiable – and so readily and ever so available, that we often take for granted without even a thought to spare for such a miraculous phenomenon?

And if I were to doubt the existence of the drink or the mug alone, what then am I left with? My thoughts alone? Then my life is so bleak, of mere creativity and such a life would be impossible to surmount upon nor can be worthy of boastfulness.

Then again, I am a fool. Conjuring such drama off coffee.

To all the ill-informed star-crossed lovers, what do you know about neither love nor the meaning of Valentine? A derivative from strength and courage seems very inappropriate to a day celebrated solely for love, or is it a symbolism to gather one’s bravery to rival the cowardice in one, and bring forth the power to expel the lust and greater desires for one’s crush? We drag our feet through the heavy snow happily than ever entertaining our desires for hastened and untamed love. But what is this tradition you speak of, of this artificial euphoria induced by mere chocolate and opiates – am I seeing what you are seeing? That such gifts and splendors are greater than the purest of pure emotions and bond?

It fails as a society for lovers to mark special days to prove their love, to such extent to save money to buy flowers and chocolate would it not only produce unnecessary jealousy and gluttony to play, to those especially, who are not accustomed to such sudden drama? Why say, do lovers have to rejoice in a difference of such a day, when any other were supposed to be as great or as loving, since the beginning of their shared love? I do not see the point that marking would do, but only a failure to keep their standards as a couple should do. Does neither Romeo nor Juliet even know of the slightest of what true love is or was it simply an urge for unchaste lust? As we all know well, nothing comes forth in irrationality and unplanned feelings, but only of malevolence and misunderstanding.

Oh why does Cupid’s Arrow sting so great, when love is not accord by volition but gamed by a fiendish play? – playing with the hearts of young youths. The tradition plants the seed of expectation in tender hearts and blooms and haunts them as the tale begins to cease, insinuating the harshness of adulthood – which we think we all know too well. A single shot, at least finish this trickery! Unrequited love, and addition to endorphins, only sorrows the soul, and pains and urges and weakens thy heart that would only sway and withers in the presence of glimpse of unintended warmth.

A princess or prince even! Come and befit my hollow soles and tell me what you see in my humble stead! But then again, what do I know of such beast? Let loose for once, and surmount as much as you will, be not afraid of failure or of other’s expectation – try it, go on, see for yourself what you are missing!

Time is the one thing we can truly be stingy about, so why waste your time and wait when every second matters; coming out to your crush on Valentines only means possible competition, and cowardice and failures of such. Experience a greater potential of happiness with him/her if it was meant to be by asking your love to simply be for once or twice and thrice at most! And I know, as you do too – It’s difficult and awkward.

If I recalled, when I was a child, I wished to be taller, bigger and older. So that,… one day I could do what “adults” do, have the luxury of staying up after eight – my!, and getting to watch – for the very first time – action movies, instead of Disney’s. Then – I would grow up, and learn to stop playing with action figures, animating them with color, life, within the constraints of my knowledge and imagination. I would not wet my bed no more, and needing to sleep with my “blanky” every night, in which I used to embraced it close to my soft breast.

Then I grew. Became blunt, and tactful. I danced and colored with my words and learnt to deceive others – as well as myself. I learnt to take things for granted. Played on honesty and used trust. Lies turned to truths and truths slowly perished, sank into the oblivious depths of my inner emotions. The innocence I once had – was cracked; the touch of adulthood grew stronger into a grasp, and in no time, wrapped my body firmer day by day.

Then I looked back. How easy going things were, how I was sheltered from possible harms and blessed by ignorance. I missed myself. How I was, and how things were. I wished I could enjoy both ages at the same time, but I simply can’t.

I am now the responsibility of the future, to which others look up to.