Looking Back

If I recalled, when I was a child, I wished to be taller, bigger and older. So that,… one day I could do what “adults” do, have the luxury of staying up after eight – my!, and getting to watch – for the very first time – action movies, instead of Disney’s. Then – I would grow up, and learn to stop playing with action figures, animating them with color, life, within the constraints of my knowledge and imagination. I would not wet my bed no more, and needing to sleep with my “blanky” every night, in which I used to embraced it close to my soft breast.

Then I grew. Became blunt, and tactful. I danced and colored with my words and learnt to deceive others – as well as myself. I learnt to take things for granted. Played on honesty and used trust. Lies turned to truths and truths slowly perished, sank into the oblivious depths of my inner emotions. The innocence I once had – was cracked; the touch of adulthood grew stronger into a grasp, and in no time, wrapped my body firmer day by day.

Then I looked back. How easy going things were, how I was sheltered from possible harms and blessed by ignorance. I missed myself. How I was, and how things were. I wished I could enjoy both ages at the same time, but I simply can’t.

I am now the responsibility of the future, to which others look up to.


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